Friday, May 22, 2020

My Calling

I can remember that even as a little girl I struggled with feeling responsible for everyone's happiness.   No one told me I was responsible, I just loved deeply and wanted everyone around me to be happy.   It wasn't long until the drive to please others became unhealthy.  I wanted to fit in and be loved.   I was told I was loved by my family but I just didn't feel loved.   As I got older and entered school life, it wasn't long before the lie of being unlovable became confirmed.   In Kindergarten I struggled with my speech and was made fun of  often.  As I was picked on my response was to cry.   I wasn't mad, I just silently agreed with them that something was wrong with me.   I grew into a young woman believing this lie and living out this lie.   I did not respect or love myself and allowed others to disrespect me as well.

It wasn't until I became a Christian at age 22 that the  grip of the lie, that was planted so long ago, slowly began to weaken.   I realized that God knew me before I was even born (Psalms 139) and He had plans for me.  By His Spirit, I began to see myself as His child; redeemed, complete, free, God's workmanship, loved, set aside, called and more.   I would love to say I am completely free from the pull of wanting to pleased my loved ones at all cost.   I sometimes fall back into that trap, but it doesn't take long to see "making everyone happy" is not my purpose.   I can't complete others......I can't meet all their needs or longings.  However, Christ can and I am called to point others to Him as long as I live.