Thursday, January 24, 2019

When Addiction Hits the Homefront

Addiction is a sad thing.  Addiction keeps us in bondage and binds our soul from truly healing.   Addiction is even more heartbreaking when it affects someone we love.   There are all kinds of addictions that can plague a human heart; alcohol, pills, people pleasing, sex, food, gambling, gossip, and more.  Addiction can have a powerful effect on a person's heart and mind.  What can you do when you have an adult child caught up in an addiction?

There are books upon books addressing the subject of addiction and the adult child.  Advice ranges from "tough love" to catering to the "inner wounded child" to attending various rehabs.  However, one thing that stays the same is that the parents of addicted children hurt.  They hurt bad.   Depending upon the age of the young adult, parents may or may not have any say on whether their child gets help or not.

In my opinion, we are fighting a losing battle by begging, pleading, nagging and scheming.  It's all about control.  You have no control over your adult child. You may feel you do or try to, but we don't!  The devil wants to deceive you into thinking you can fix this soul problem; more money, more love, more effort, more intervention, more pleading.   From experience I can tell you that you can not fix an adult child.   You are only prolonging this adult from seeking for a solution themselves, which is often found in Christ.  Getting out of God's way is the hardest thing to do, but oh so necessary. Getting out of God's way can look different for each situation. It may mean to cut off money supply.  It may mean to stop pushing your child to do things that they have no desire to do. It may mean to ask them to move out.  It may mean for you to stop scheming up plans for his/her freedom when they are content in their addiction.  Whatever it may look like,  peace comes when we stop pleading and begging and begin to intercede in prayer to the One that can break every chain...Christ is the answer.

If your heart is breaking over an adult child in bondage, please know you are not alone.   Press into God and trust Him.  We can't control the decisions and choices of our children, however God can do mighty things when we get out of His way!

Praying you will trust the Lord with your son or daughter today.....one day at a time!
Love,
Melaina

Now to Him Who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus. throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen!  Ephesians 3:20





Saturday, January 19, 2019

To Hurting Parents

Recently, I have had on my heart to encourage a certain group of people;  hurting parents of teens or adult children.   Being a parent of three adult sons, my husband and I know full well the joys and pains of  this season.   When I was a young mom I went to a Mom Seminar.  I will never forget what the speaker said.  She said when our children are young we are often physically tired but when they are grown we are emotionally tired.  Her words flew over my head until my boys hit the teenage years.

You see, since I was a young girl, I wanted to be in control of my circumstances and make those I love happy and safe.  I honestly felt that if I tried my best and did what it takes I could actually achieve my goal.  My desire carried over into motherhood when at the age of 23 I had our first son.   I wanted him to be perfectly clean, wear matching nice clothes, have educational toys that would launch him into being a genius, and much more.  I read lots of books on motherhood, toddler-hood and child raising. All these things were not bad if I also understood that we could not protect him from everything forever.  Of course when he was little I could watch him closely making sure he was out of harms way.   I could make sure he was bathed daily, teeth brushed, fingernails clipped and hair combed.   However, year by year the control I had over my son was lessening.  I had overlooked a very important fact; it was not my job to protect my son forever.   My true job was to point him towards Christ and to prepare him to be independent of me.   What??  Yes, to be independent of me.   When I was a young mom my identity was wrapped up into being needed by my kids.   However, when they hit the teenage years and were naturally becoming their own person my heart experienced a new break.   My belief that I could do everything right and they would avoid the mistakes and pain I endured came crashing down suddenly.  You see, I was not only trying to point my kids to God but I was mistakenly trying to BE God in their life.  We did teach them about God, love, respect, and hard work.  However,  I micromanaged out of fear and wouldn't let them make many decisions on their own.   I wanted the very best for them and felt I knew what that was.  So, it was no surprise that the teenage years were hard on both sides.  However, it was only preparing me for the boys leaving home and moving into adulthood.

As our boys are now in their 20's and we have one grandson and one on the way,  my husband and I have experienced much joy and laughter.  However, to be very honest, we have also experienced some deep heartbreaks that only the Lord could mend and is still mending.  There were days when the pain was so great it was hard to press on.  However, God was and is so faithful.  I would love to encourage others from the journey we have traveled and are traveling now.   I need your help.  Are there any topics you would like to learn more in regarding being parents of teens or adult children,  and the effects these things have on our marriages?  If so, please send me a reply.  Also on the website page is a place you can ask for prayer and can share how you need encouragement.

Thank you for taking the time to share your heart and your struggles.  Whatever you are walking through right now, remember that God is with you.  He not only has the answers but He IS the answer.  He will give you strength when you can't go any further!  Please know I am praying with and for you!

Love,
Melaina

Saturday, January 12, 2019

Identity Theft-Are you a Victim?

Everyday we hear of someone experiencing identity theft; someone tries to assume a person's true identity.  In addition to the identity, they steal bank account numbers, credit cards and other benefits of being the owner.  This crime is very common today due to the fact most of our business dealings are done online or through electronic mail.  However, there is another identity theft that is very prevalent today and it happens in our minds. 

 As a Christian, our identity is found in Christ and who He says we are.  Therefore, Satan tries to "steal" our identity by planting lies in our mind that contradict the truth.   Satan will tell us that our value is in what we do, where we work, what we wear, how we perform, or anything else that centers around self.  Therefore we run hard after these things hoping to be "successful".  He tempts us to believe our feelings even when they go against the Truth in God's Word.  When our identity is taken by Satan, we often get depressed, give up hope and chase after false gods.  We forget who we are because we believe lies instead of the Truth.  On the other hand, when we receive God's truth we find freedom.   As children of God our identity is found in Christ, therefore, we are loved, forgiven, chosen, a new creation, not condemned, more than a conqueror, God's workmanship, provided for, a work in progress and much more!

I want to encourage you today to spend time in God's Word finding out who you are in Christ.  Get your true identity back and refuse to let Satan steal it anymore.  There is power in knowing who we are in Christ and the devil knows it!


Thursday, January 3, 2019

Knowing God in 2019

Good Afternoon!  I'm praying you have had a wonderful Christmas. We had a very busy but blessed season. As this new year starts, I have so many things swirling around in my mind that my days often just blur together. This life can be really overwhelming and sometimes we just have to get back to the basics: loving God with all our heart, soul, and mind.   When I love God (Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit) with all my heart, He will be at the core of all I am, say or do.  When I love God with all my soul, I let Him fill my emptiness and longing for emotional fulfillment.  When I love God with all my mind, I will keep the truth of His Word directing my thoughts and mindset.  I want 2019 to be the year that I get to know the Lord even more intimately. When we fall in love with God, knowing Him becomes easy! I want to share a song my son Zach wrote. This song is about falling in love with Christ; it's a love relationship not something we check off a list.   Praying we all know Christ better in 2019❤