For several years now, I have considered myself to be totally surrendered to God's will for my life. We, as a family, have stepped out in faith over and over. I have longed for God to be glorified in my life and truly believed I was as surrendered as possible. God has worked in so many areas of my life; control issues, fear, trust, manipulation, etc. It seems like daily I am laying something else down at His feet. However, recently I have felt an inner storm brewing. Have you ever been at a place in your life that you thought, "Surely this is not God's will for me"? Maybe you're in a particular phase in your life, working at an unpleasant job, or in a place you just don't like; a place that's challenging your walk and definitely not comfortable?
Recently, as I was having my quiet time, I was discussing a situation with the Lord that I am not particularly happy about. I have been praying for weeks for this situation to change or for God to show me a way out of it. I began to pour over the situation again; complaining and asking God to open my eyes to how He's going to get me out of this. Suddenly, it's as if He spoke clearly to my heart: You need to stop fighting me and trust Me, because this IS my will for you right now. Wow! I was shocked. Maybe I heard Him wrong....surely I heard Him wrong! I know the Lord's thoughts are much higher than mine, however, in this situation I was sure I knew what needed to happen. Wait, did I just say that? Oh my! When did this creep back in? My will is not only alive and well but is off doing it's own thing apparently. How could I not trust God after all we've been through? He can part the waters of a river and leave dry ground for His people to walk on. He can raise a dead man back to life. He can take a lost sinner like me and make a new creation! He knows what He's doing! I can most certainly trust Him enough to line my will up with His.
It was as if a light bulb came on! The inner struggle I have been feeling was actually a battle of the wills; mine and Gods. However, as I repented of being rebellious and seeking my own will above His, the inner struggle melted into peace. I am not saying all my feelings have changed about this situation, on the other hand, I know and trust there is a purpose for it that I can't see right now. I often compare my life to an onion and God is continually peeling back layer after layer. God knows what He is doing. I am going to trust Him!
If you find yourself having an inner storm today, could it be there is a battle of the wills going on inside of you too? Take the time to talk to God and ask Him to show you whether or not your will is completely in line and submitted to His. Even Jesus submitted His will to His Father's:
"Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want YOUR will to be done, not mine." Luke 22:42 (NLT)