Well, this is what I am learning: It's really been a mirage that it's all up to me to "protect" them from all harm. I have never really been able to, nor is it my sole responsibility. God has been the One that has protected them using my husband and I. Since the Lord has been their Protector all the time, then in reality nothing has changed EXCEPT in my mind and heart. While they were home with me, I had the false sense of security that it was in my power to keep them from any pain, bad decisions, or harm. Now that they are grown, I am finding it really hard to shut off that mindset that its up to me to protect and care for them. Yes, another "letting go"! This, by far, has been my greatest challenge. If I could go back knowing what I know now, I would still try to be the best Mom and protect, but I could have more peace and be more laid back realizing GOD is the ONLY One that is in complete control and I must trust Him more than myself. This might all seem silly to you, but to me this has been HUGE! Sleepless night after sleepless night, I would cry and pray and worry. I felt so helpless and sad. I felt like a big chunk of my heart was gone. When people would quote Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he's old he will not depart from it", I would get irritated. We did train our children up in the Lord! I fretted and fretted until just recently. God spoke clearly to me in Luke 18:6-8 CEV, Think about what that crooked judge said. 7 Won’t God protect his chosen ones who pray to him day and night? Won’t he be concerned for them? 8 He will surely hurry and help them. But when the Son of Man comes, will he find on this earth anyone with faith?
God WAS listening and He IS faithful...but am I trusting Him....really trusting Him? I wrote the song, "I am going to trust You" but am I??? No, I was panicking and still trying to see what I could do to make my boys have the perfect Godly life. Oh, I was praying and quoting scriptures but inside I was depressed and dwelling on the negative and trying with all my might to "fix" stuff. I have truly made my children idols. Sound harsh? Well, it is. I would pray, but if God didn't move like I thought He would, I would step up and do what I thought would help. You know what? Nothing changed! I must let go and let God....let God call, shape, love on, and woo our children. So if I'm not their protector anymore, what am I to do? The Lord, again, spoke clearly..."Love them". As I pondered the Lord's words and thought back to my life when I was their age, I remembered how much I disappointed my parents, not to mention the Lord. Weird, as it sounds, I never once doubted God's love for me. I knew He loved me. I want my boys to know I love them....NO MATTER WHAT. Now, that doesn't mean to condone sin or to bale them out of trouble, it means to accept the fact that they are living "their story" and they are in a chapter of their life that the Lord will use to His glory one day. (Romans 8:28) So, when I loosen my grip and let go, THAT is when the Lord takes a tighter hold and can work like only He can do!
Yes, it is a daily battle to remind myself that it's not up to me! It's up to the Lord and my grown children. I am here to simply love them and encourage. I want to end today's post with a song that my youngest son, Zach, wrote right after we moved. He had also left all he had ever known....his brothers, grandparents, friends, basketball team..etc.
As you listen to this song, let it be your prayer to press in to the Lord as you let go and really trust Him.