I keep a prayer journal when I have my quiet time. Many times I like to read back in the past weeks and months to refresh my mind on what the Lord has spoken to me. Recently, I found in my writings that the Lord had "put his finger on" my half-hearted attitude about some things He had called me to do. On the outside, I looked as committed as ever.....homeschooling my son, going church to church ministering in song....but on the inside I was wavering. When things got hard pressed, I would find myself thinking of "ways out".....like "well, we could always look for a job", or "well, if gets too hard, I guess I could put Zach back in public school". I really thought since I was obeying on the "outside" that these thoughts were harmless. I WAS WRONG. It wasn't long until I felt a discontent and a restlessness. I soon found myself actually reading the want-ads for jobs. One day, as I read the newspaper, my eyes fell upon what seemed to be a "perfect" job for me, one in which I was well-qualified too. I mentioned it to Chad and his response jolted me. "Did God tell you we were not to do evangelism anymore?" I couldn't say yes. A couple weeks after that, we went to Arkansas to minister. We had the blessing to stay in a beautiful cabin on a hillside. One morning, I got up before Chad and the boys and went out on the front deck. It was beautiful and I could feel God's peace blanket me. I started praying and reading my Bible. Every place I read was speaking about "whole-heartedness". I read in several different books of the bible, yet the word "whole-heartedly" or "whole-heartedness" kept jumping out at me. The Lord revealed to me that my "half-hearted" attitude about our calling was a sin. I basically was saying in my mind that I would obey BUT if things didn't work out....I would always have a back-up plan. I was NOT living by faith. I had a divided heart and I was sinning. 1 Kings 8:61 says "But your hearts must be FULLY COMMITTED to the Lord our God, to live by HIS decress and OBEY His commands as at this time. 1 Kings 11:4 tells us "As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and HIS HEART WAS NOT FULLY DEVOTED to the Lord, His God, as the heart of David, his father had done. 1 Kings 18:21 tells us that "Elijah went before the people and said "How long will you waver between two opinions? It the Lord is God...FOLLOW Him...but if Baal is God, follow Him. Needless to say, I repented! I didn't realize how this attitude was affecting my walk with the Lord. When I confessed it as sin then the Lord could move powerfully in our behalf and move mountains that before then could not be moved! Instead of nervousness and anxiety, I felt joy, peace, and the other fruits of His Spirit.
I just want to encourage you today to keep your eyes on the Lord. You may be in a ministry that seems to be not effective or not turning out like you thought, BUT if the Lord told you to do this ministry, be obedient. He will tell us clearly when He wants us to turn another direction. Don't let satan tempt you and lead you astray by your unfaithful thoughts and emotions. TRUST Jesus! Believe me, there have been times I can not understand what in the world is going on but God reminds me in Isaiah 55:8-9, "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, delcares the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. Turn your heart WHOLE-HEARTEDLY to Him today and His peace that passes all understanding will be yours!