Saturday, January 19, 2019

To Hurting Parents

Recently, I have had on my heart to encourage a certain group of people;  hurting parents of teens or adult children.   Being a parent of three adult sons, my husband and I know full well the joys and pains of  this season.   When I was a young mom I went to a Mom Seminar.  I will never forget what the speaker said.  She said when our children are young we are often physically tired but when they are grown we are emotionally tired.  Her words flew over my head until my boys hit the teenage years.

You see, since I was a young girl, I wanted to be in control of my circumstances and make those I love happy and safe.  I honestly felt that if I tried my best and did what it takes I could actually achieve my goal.  My desire carried over into motherhood when at the age of 23 I had our first son.   I wanted him to be perfectly clean, wear matching nice clothes, have educational toys that would launch him into being a genius, and much more.  I read lots of books on motherhood, toddler-hood and child raising. All these things were not bad if I also understood that we could not protect him from everything forever.  Of course when he was little I could watch him closely making sure he was out of harms way.   I could make sure he was bathed daily, teeth brushed, fingernails clipped and hair combed.   However, year by year the control I had over my son was lessening.  I had overlooked a very important fact; it was not my job to protect my son forever.   My true job was to point him towards Christ and to prepare him to be independent of me.   What??  Yes, to be independent of me.   When I was a young mom my identity was wrapped up into being needed by my kids.   However, when they hit the teenage years and were naturally becoming their own person my heart experienced a new break.   My belief that I could do everything right and they would avoid the mistakes and pain I endured came crashing down suddenly.  You see, I was not only trying to point my kids to God but I was mistakenly trying to BE God in their life.  We did teach them about God, love, respect, and hard work.  However,  I micromanaged out of fear and wouldn't let them make many decisions on their own.   I wanted the very best for them and felt I knew what that was.  So, it was no surprise that the teenage years were hard on both sides.  However, it was only preparing me for the boys leaving home and moving into adulthood.

As our boys are now in their 20's and we have one grandson and one on the way,  my husband and I have experienced much joy and laughter.  However, to be very honest, we have also experienced some deep heartbreaks that only the Lord could mend and is still mending.  There were days when the pain was so great it was hard to press on.  However, God was and is so faithful.  I would love to encourage others from the journey we have traveled and are traveling now.   I need your help.  Are there any topics you would like to learn more in regarding being parents of teens or adult children,  and the effects these things have on our marriages?  If so, please send me a reply.  Also on the website page is a place you can ask for prayer and can share how you need encouragement.

Thank you for taking the time to share your heart and your struggles.  Whatever you are walking through right now, remember that God is with you.  He not only has the answers but He IS the answer.  He will give you strength when you can't go any further!  Please know I am praying with and for you!

Love,
Melaina